Pat's InFamous Texas Chili

INTRODUCTION:

I've been making chili since 1983. This, not coincidentally, is the year that I left my hometown of Roanoke, VA and could no longer buy chile anytime of the day or night at the Texas Tavern (where they spell it with an "e" instead of an "i" on the end). Since then I've probably made over 300 batches. Each is an adventure within itself, determined by the time of year, the weather, available ingredients, friends who are present and the amount of beer in the 'fridge.

Though I generally just "wing it" I've attempted to write down the basic process for all of you who have asked. Over the years I've had friends make suggestions and give credit where it's due. If you have any ideas, please pass them on and maybe you will be added to the legacy.

This recipe leaves lots of room for interpretation, individual preferences and personal taste. Many ingredients are optional and are noted as such. You should read it over a few times then decide how you want to make YOURS. And remember: the most important part of making the chili is that you HAVE FUN. So, let's get started!

HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED:

• 2-3 Pounds of Meat. At least half should be beef. Here are some suggestions. I have used all of the following and can assure you that they work. Choose based on what you like and what's available in your neck of the woods:



• Hot Sausage
  It really adds a special "zing" to the chili. Most people who try it for the first time (and who don't know it's in there) say it's the best chili they've ever had--and they don't know why! Credit for this idea goes to my old pal Tony Rogers from Leicester (pronounced "LESS-ter"), NC.
  
  
• Chorizo
  Chorizo is Mexican sausage, which you can usually find at the grocery store or the butcher shop (if you can't find any where you live, come visit me because there are several places you can find it in my town). I saw chorizo in the store and thought it would be a good addition. It usually comes in little 6' links like sausage does and usually I use two of these (I suppose you could say to add "one foot" of chorizo).
  
  
• Leftovers from the Chili Box
  Throughout the summer, we cook out on the grill. Often we have leftover steak, roast, London Broil, burgers, etc. After it sits in the 'fridge for about three days I figure that nobody's going to eat it so I seal it, write "Meat for Chili" on the package and chuck it in the freezer. This is the time to get it back out!
  
  
• Cheap Steak or London Broil
  
  
• Ground Beef
  Get the leanest that you can find. This prevents your chili from having more grease in it than Buck Owens used to put on his hair.
  
  
• Ground Turkey
  You can save money by substituting Ground Turkey for the Ground Beef. You can't tell any difference, and it's better for you. If you have doubts about the ramifications of making Texas chili and not using beef, rest assured that there are lots of turkeys in Texas (just look at their politicians).
  
  
• TVP (Textured Vegetable Protein)
  If you are a vegetarian or merely want the chili to be "light" and "less filling" (this is starting to sound like a beer commercial, isn't it?) consider TVP. It comes ground or in small strips. In general, about one cup of TVP, once rehydrated, is equivalent to about a pound of meat. You used to be able to get a catalog with TVP products by calling 1-800-695-2241. If this is no longer valid, ask the local health food store or surf for it on the web.
  
  



• 1 Large or 2 Medium Onions
  If you don't have any onions you can use about ½ C minced onions.
  
  
• 1/2 Club (4 or 5 Cloves) Garlic
  
  
• 2 28-Oz Cans of Whole Tomatoes
  One will go in in the beginning and the other goes in toward the end.
  
  
• 1 12-oz can of tomato sauce
  
  
• 1 Green Pepper
  
  
• A few bell peppers if you have any and like them
  
  
• One small can of diced chilis if you like them
  
  
• 1 Pack of Carroll Shelby's Chili Mix, OR:
  
  
• Do the Spices Yourself:
  • 4 Tablespoons Chili Powder
    
    
  • 1-2 Tablespoons Salt (don't overdo it)
    
    
  • 2 Teaspoons Cumin
    
    
  • 2 Teaspoons Oregano
    
    
  • 1 Teaspoon Dried Basil
    
    
  • 1-2 Teaspoons Cayenne Pepper or a few shots of Hot Sauce
    
    
  • Various Other Ground Peppers
    Thanks to America being taken over by wetbacks, most grocery stores now have a good selection of Mexican spices. Choose a few and experiment. Just check the heat level first and don't go too wild until you know what you're doing, as you are now literally playing with fire.
    
    
• 1/2 C of Mesa Flour
  Mexican corn flower, available at most stores thanks (again) to the wetbacks. A small package of this comes with Carroll Shelby's chili mix.
  
  
• About 2 TBL of Olive Oil or Corn Oil
  
  
• 2 Cans of Dark Red Kidney Beans
  
  
• 2-3 Cans of Any of the Following in Any Combination:
  
  • Pinto Beans
  • Chili Hot Beans
  • Navy Beans
  • Black Beans
    Personally, I use one Pinto and one Black, but any will work. I believe that it was Cliff who suggested using the black beans.
  
  
• You will also need one of the following:
  • Six-Pack of Texan Beer
    Lone Star is best. Shiner or Pearl will also work. One bottle is for the recipe and the others are for you to drink while you're cooking the chili. OR:
    
    
  • Six-Pack of Mexican Beer and 1 Lime
    Mexican beer works just as well if you can't find Texan beer. My personal preference in this case is Dos Equis, but Corona or Chihuahua also work well. Don't forget the lime! OR:
    
    
  • One Fifth of Cabo Wabo Tequila
    The world's best tequila, in those famous blue bottles. Don't forget that if you go the tequila route, you'll still need one bottle of Tex/Mex beer for the chili.
  
  
• And perhaps...
  • Cayenne Pepper
    In addition to that listed above for the chili, you may also want some for the table to up the heat index.
    
    
  • Rice, Cornbread, Oyster Crackers or Shredded Cheese
    Things that go along with the chili. Your choice.

Special Note: When shopping for the above ingredients remember that when you have a choice of several brand names, you should buy the brands that sound the most Texan...i.e. Old El Paso, Texas Pete, etc.

Another Special Note: This recipe has listed canned beans for convenience. However, if you really want it to make you fart Texas style, buy dried beans. Remember to soak them overnight the night before. Then, boil them for about an hour and set them aside to use when the recipe calls for them.

Still Another Special Note: Your chili will turn out better if you listen to Willie Nelson, Bob Wills, Waylon Jennings or Asleep At The Wheel while you're preparing it. If you're drinking Cabo Wabo tequila you need to slip an occasional Sammy Hagar album into the music rotation. And if you're watching football, if at all possible, you need to be watching the Dallas Cowboys.

HERE'S HOW TO DO IT:

Bear in mind that good things take time. Like 7-year-old Jack Daniel's. It takes a long time to make good chili. It will only take about 6 hours—not seven years. However, if you do it right, it may take seven years to get over the effects. It is best to make a day of it. Start early. I like to start on Sunday morning, then watch football all day as it cooks. It also works well for an evening party, etc.

If you are using sausage, slice it into cakes and cook it until brown in a frying pan. Remove, let drain, squeeze out the excess grease with paper towels. When cool, break it into small chunks about the size of your thumb. Set aside.

If you are using chorizo, prepare just like the sausage or just fry them whole and slice them later. If you are using both chorizo and hot sausage you can cook them together. When done, no breaking is necessary since chorizo is typically "hot dog" size. Set aside.

If you are using raw ground beef/turkey, brown it in the frying pan and drain it when done. Set aside.

If you are using cheap steak or London Broil, cut into small cubes about the size of the end of your index finger and brown in the frying pan. Set aside.

If you're using TVP reconstitute the TVP. Add 7/8 cup water and one TBL soy sauce to 1 C ground TVP, if using chunk TVP increase the water to 1 C, then set aside while it does it's thing. Set it aside. Note: If using TVP, OMIT THE SALT mentioned with the spices, above. The soy sauce you use with the TVP will contain enough!

Peel and dice up the onion, pepper and the garlic and set aside.

Now. Get a large pot. From now on we will refer to it as the "chili pot." With the oil, saute the onions and garlic until the onions start getting clear. Turn the heat down to low and let it all simmer for about fifteen minutes while you open and begin drinking a beer. Check now and then to ensure that stuff is not sticking to the bottom of the chili pot.

Add about half of the meat. If you are using TVP, save this for later. Also add one can of tomatoes, the tomato sauce and about 1.5-2 quarts of water (less if you're going to cook it quickly, more if you're going to let it cook slowly all day). Then, pour in one bottle of beer. Stir up, and cover. Turn heat up to medium. You want to keep it just warm enough for it to barely be boiling. Let it cook slowly for about an hour or two, stirring it regularly as you keep coming into the kitchen for more beer.

Add the spices (Carroll's or your own) EXCEPT for the corn mesa flour which you will use later. Stir well, and make sure no little globs of undissolved spices are floating around in the chili. You don't want "Chili Powder Dumplings" now, do you?

Now add the green & bell peppers (depending on which you use). Stir again, cover up and let it simmer.

Depending on which ingredients you're using, how long you're taking to cook it, how much football you plan on watching, how much beer is in the fridge, how cold it is outside, and when you want it to be ready you will be letting the above simmer anywhere from 1 to 4 hours.

Personally, I think that the longer you cook it and the lower the heat, the better it will be. Just stir it often, add water if necessary, keep the lid on the pot to keep all the flavor in, and make sure it doesn't start boiling to rapidly.

If you are using dried beans: they need to cook for about two hours so add them now and plan on letting them cook for at least two hours.

If you're using canned beans you have more flexibility in your schedule. Let the chili simmer until about one hour before serving time then add them.

Have another beer. You should now have three left.

If you are in a hurry you may now proceed to the "One hour before you plan on having dinner" instructions. Otherwise, let simmer for one hour, stirring frequently, then have another beer. You now have two.

If you're really letting it cook slowly, repeat the previous step. You now have one.

One hour before you plan on having dinner, after you add the canned beans, begin thinking about what you want to have with the chili. Cornbread? Rice? Start making this stuff now.

When done with the peripherals add in the rest of your meat. If you are using TVP add that now.

About half an hour before serving time take the corn mesa flour, put it in a small mixing bowl, add about a cup of water, mix it up and make sure there aren't any lumps in it. Then pour it in the chili pot. This will help thicken it up a bit.

Don't forget the rice, cornbread, cheese, crackers, etc. Finish preparing these, and get out the bowls. If you timed everything correctly it should now be about halftime in the 4PM late afternoon football game.

About twenty minutes before serving time, open the other can of tomatoes, drain them, and add them to the chili pot. This was Mary's idea. She likes to have some chunks of tomatoes in her chili that haven't been boiled into oblivion. If you have diced chilis, add them now, too. Once you add the tomatoes, turn off the heat, stir it and let it sit and cool for at least twenty minutes. While cooling, continue to stir occasionally.

Open that last beer and watch the rest of the football game and when you're ready, FEAST!

Note: it takes about 3-4 hours for one to really begin to feel the effects of this chili. Plenty of time to feed your friends, have a good time, watch some of the Sunday night game and then send them home before they stink up your house!